Sonic's Ultimate Harem - The Trial of the Century
by OL16 to OL17
Summary: After being accused of and charged with a great many counts of rape, Sonic now faces the greatest challenge of his life. Together with a ragtag bunch of hangers-on and assorted misfits, can he clear his good name or will he be brought to justice by the long arm of the law? Rated M because I err on the side of caution.
1. Chapter One - San Ber'dino

Gerald's footsteps echoed throughout the dank, urine-soaked corridor of San Bernardino County Jail, as he closely followed an elderly sheriff. The sheriff stopped as they reached the last cell on the row. "This is it," the sheriff said; and he took his key chain from his belt, looking through the various keys until he found the right one. "You've got ten minutes, Mr Silberman," he said as he opened the door to the cell. Gerald nodded; and entered the cramped cell to find Sonic the Hedgehog lying on the bunk, his eyes glancing across different points of the ceiling now and again. With a start, he looked up, his freakish mono-eye widening as he saw Gerald.

"Gerry!" he said, leaping up from the bunk, "I'm so glad you came! I'm in real deep fucking shit here man, you've got to help me out!"

"Sonic, baby!" Gerald said, running a hand through his thinning hair, "You're really busting my balls here! Three-hundred and fifty one counts of rape? How do you expect me to sell your brand with that shit, huh?" Sonic groaned.

"Forget that, Gerry! Just tell me you can get me outta here!" Gerald nodded.

"Look, I can get you out on bail, Sonic, but it won't exactly be cheap." Gerald sighed, walking further into the cell and taking a seat on the small toilet in the corner. "This is fucked, Sonic," he went on, "this is a goddamn mess. How the fuck did this happen? Couldn't you keep it in your goddamn pants? I mean, I get if you did it once or twice, that's showbiz, but-"

"Goddamn it Gerry, I didn't do it!"

"Well," Gerald said, crossing his arms, "you'd better get a damn good lawyer if you want to get off." Sonic shrugged his shoulders.

"No problem, just call Donald Grillo. He's always been in my corner." Gerald leaned back (well, at least as far back as the prison toilet would allow), rubbing his eyes gently. He inhaled deeply, then (as you might expect); he exhaled just as deeply.

"Grillo's dead, Sonic. Killed in a National Guard training exercise, they told me."

"Well, Jesus!" said Sonic, as he began to pace around the cell with increasing speed. "Fantastic! What are we going to do now?"

"Sonic, relax," Gerald said, holding his hands up. "Just cool your jets! This ain't over yet. We can get you a lawyer and fight this out in court. If you want to get out of this thing a free hedgehog you can't afford to lose your shit this early in the game." Gerald stood up and walked back to the doorway of the cell. "Look," he said, turning back to look at Sonic, "just you sit tight, ok? You'll be outta here soon enough. In the meantime, I'll get you a good lawyer." Sonic stopped pacing, nodded; and sat down on the edge of the bunk. Gerald returned the nod and swept out of the cell.

* * *

As it turned out, finding a lawyer (at least one worth hiring) was more difficult than Gerald had first anticipated. Certainly, finding one willing to represent Sonic in light of the circumstances made it all the more challenging. Gerald was sat slumped over his desk, leaning over the Yellow Pages and several advertising leaflets. He looked at his watch. Apparently it had only been an hour and half since he first started looking, though it had seemed like so much longer. After another long while of skimming through the Yellow Pages, he came across the name of another law firm. Gerald reached for the phone on his desk, dialed the number and brought the handset to his ear. After a brief moment, he heard a male voice on the end of the line. "Hello?"

Hello," Gerald said, "is this the Fey & Co. Law Office?" For a moment, there was no reply.

"No," the voice on the other end of the line said, "Well… not anymore. This is the Wright & Co Law Office, Phoenix Wright speaking. Can I help you?"

"Yes," Gerald replied, "I'm looking for somebody to represent my client, a Mr Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Well, you've called the right place," Phoenix replied, chuckling slightly at his own clever witticism, "but I'm afraid I'm going to need a little more to go on than that. It'd be helpful if you'd tell me what he's been charged with, for a start." Gerald winced, rubbing his chin.

"Well, I mean, let's be straight here, Sonic's innocent. He's as honest as it gets, he's a fundamentally decent guy, you know?"

"Sir, I appreciate all of that, but you really should tell me what your client has been charged with if I'm going to help." Gerald breathed out audibly, leaning back into his seat.

"Alright," he said, after a brief pause, "alright, he's been charged with… well, with rape. Three hundred and fifty one counts of it." There was another pause. For a moment, an uncomfortably long moment, Gerald did not receive any reply. He opened his mouth to speak when Phoenix responded.

"Yikes," Phoenix said. For a second, he did not say anything further. "Well," he continued, "you're absolutely sure that he's innocent? No word of a lie?" In spite of the futility of the gesture during a conversation over the phone, Gerald nodded his head vigorously.

"I'm telling you straight, buddy, he's innocent. The guy's an icon! If I believed he did what they say he did, I would've dropped him as soon as I'd heard!" Gerald leaned forward, again, holding his breath and gripping the handset tightly in his hand.

"In that case, I think we can discuss my fee, Mr…?"

"Silberman," Gerald said, letting out a breath, "Gerald Silberman, I'm Sonic's agent."

"Alright Mr Silberman, I work for one hundred and fifty dollars an hour; and I'm not going to compromise on that. Take it from me, it's a very reasonable price." Gerald began drumming his fingers against his desk, though stopped just before he replied.

"That's… we'll take what we can get. I think we may have a deal, Mr Wright. I'll contact you again once Sonic's out of the clink and then the three of us can discuss this in person."

"That suits me just fine. Give me a call whenever you're ready. Goodbye, Mr Silberman." Before Gerald could reply, Phoenix hung up. With a sigh, he slammed the phone down. Gerald stood up and glanced at his watch. '17:13' the digital numbers read. By now, Sonic would be out of jail. _Well,_ Gerald thought to himself, _it's a start._


	2. Chapter Two - The Trial

**Author's Note: I meant to put this up last chapter but forgot to because I'm an idiot. Either way, if you came here expecting faithful characterisation, an understanding of the American legal system or, frankly; any quality at all, I'm afraid I shall have to disappoint you. This is just trash.**

"Well," Phoenix said, looking up to the wall, "this is quite the place." In all fairness, he was not wrong. He, Gerald and Sonic were sat in a large, tawdry living room. Overlooking them were several large statues of Sonic arranged in a semicircle around the back of the couch the three were sitting on. Each statue represented Sonic in one of his many iterations; and going from left to right each statue was successively larger than the last. The walls were covered in tacky golden wallpaper and were adorned with all manner of Sonic-related posters, with Sonic Boom posters pre-eminent among them. Opposite the couch, standing against the wall was a teak chest of drawers, its entire surface covered in antique Reuge music boxes and musical pocket watches.

"You're damn straight it is," Sonic replied, leaning back into the couch with his hands behind his head, "when you've worked as hard as I have you've pretty much earned the right to live the high life."

Phoenix nodded slowly, his eyes still wandering across the room. "Well, either way, Mr the Hedgehog-"

"Please," Sonic said, with a wave of his hand, "call me Sonic."

Phoenix nodded again, turning his eyes to Sonic. "Alright, Sonic, I'd just like to thank you for employing my services."

"Think nothing of it Mr Wright," Sonic said; leaning forward and placing his hands on his knees, "Gerry here tells me that you're the best that money can buy." Gerald, who had previously been staring absent-mindedly at the chest of drawers; looked over to Sonic and nodded.

"Well, you won't regret having hired me," Phoenix said, "but we really should get down to brass tacks." He looked over to Sonic and Gerry, the former giving him a slight nod, before he continued. "The prosecutor for this case is going to be the Assistant DA, Adolphus Sanchez, with Judge Eriksen presiding. The good news is that from what I've seen of the advance disclosure of the prosecution's evidence, it's all hearsay or accusations. Nothing concrete, it's their word against yours. They've basically got nothing."

Sonic jumped up from his seat, punching the air with a wide grin. "Well hot damn! It's a slam dunk! I'm as good as free!"

Just as Sonic was about to begin a celebratory dance, Phoenix held his hand up. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Sonic," Phoenix said, "I mean sure, they don't have any substantial concrete evidence; but we should still play this safe, really drive the point home. I mean, given the circumstances I'm sure you have an alibi, right?"

Sonic gave him a thumbs up. "I sure do," Sonic replied, "I've been busting my ass the whole time. Busy, busy, busy, right Gerry?" Gerald responded with a quick nod. "Anyway," Sonic continued, "have you seen the damn list? Half of these chicks ain't even real, so there's my alibi for that."

"Well, that's terrific, Sonic," Phoenix said, "we can iron out the details ahead of trial, we've still got enough time. How about character witnesses?"

Sonic chuckled, slapping his knees. "Sure, how about anyone that's ever met me?" Sonic kept on chuckling for a good five minutes, whilst Phoenix looked on with a stony expression and Gerald winced.

"Alright then," Phoenix said, "I guess we'll move on to that when we have to. Listen, we'll go over the rest of the preliminaries, nothing's certain here until it's settled in court, though with any luck this won't get past the preliminary hearing."

Sonic just shrugged. "You're the lawyer here, buddy, I'm sure you've got this." With that, he began dancing.

* * *

As it happened, the prosecution was able to determine probable cause in the preliminary hearing, though in all the years thereafter jurists would often ask whether 'an unnatural and yet self-evident lust' would truly constitute probable cause in the case of rape. After a little under two weeks of preparation, waiting and the inevitable media storm around the issue, the trial began on a sunny Friday morning.

Phoenix elbowed his way through crowds of gawking onlookers and reporters as he made his way towards the table reserved for the defendant and his counsel. After he checked in with the bailiff, Phoenix approached the table and placed his briefcase on it before he sat down and clapped Sonic on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Sonic," he said, "just keep your cool. It'll be over before you know it." Sonic just nodded dreamily, wringing his gloved hands. After a few more moments, a door behind the bench opened and a tall, brown-haired man wearing a dark black robe over a suit was led in by the bailiff.

"All rise, department four of the San Bernardino Superior Court is now in session, the honourable Judge Marshall Eriksen presiding," the bailiff said; everyone present in the court obliged and similarly obliged once the bailiff gave the order to be seated.

"Good morning," Judge Eriksen said, looking down at the courtroom from the bench, "would you please state your names for the record?" Everyone required to do so did. "Well," Judge Eriksen continued, "once we've got jury selection out of the way we can proceed to opening statements." Both the prosecution and the defence made their selections in good order before Judge Eriksen spoke again. "Thank you, gentlemen. Counsel, if the prosecution would like to commence with it's opening statement?"

Sanchez, a lean, wiry man with neatly slicked-back brown hair; nodded and walked to the centre of the court. He spun on his heel with all the grace of a dancer and turned to face the jury. "Your honour," he began, "ladies and gentlemen of the jury; seldom has San Bernardino, indeed, the whole state of California; seen such a depraved and psychopathic criminal living in its midst. I'm sure I'm not alone in believing that this trial is little more than a formality; and that his guilt is self-evident beyond all doubt. However, unlike the accused, the people of California have firm moral convictions, and one of them is a respect for due process. It is with this in mind that the prosecution will prove, beyond all possible doubt…" Sanchez went on and on, pacing dramatically across the courtroom; to the jury box and back again and so on. After a heated opening statement which denounced Sonic's character, reputation and the notion of hedgehogs more generally, Sanchez stopped pacing and stood directly opposite the jury box. "Your honour, ladies and gentlemen, Sonic the Hedgehog is guilty of rape; and the prosecution will see to it that he is brought to account for his heinous crimes. Your honour, ladies and gentlemen; that will be all."

Judge Eriksen dismissed Sanchez with a nod and turned his gaze to Phoenix and Sonic. "Counsel, is the defence ready to make its statement?"

Phoenix took a deep breath before nodding up to the Judge. He stood up and walked stiffly to the centre of the courtroom. "Members of the jury," Phoenix said, looking to the jury as he did, "your honour, good morning. I'm sure by now that you're all well aware of the charges laid out against Mr. the Hedgehog, all the malicious and, as I shall prove, outright fabricated stories that the prosecution has spun about Mr. the Hedgehog." Phoenix paused for dramatic effect, looking each and every member of the jury in the eye with as plaintive an expression as he could muster. "These charges," he continued, "are fabricated. Sonic is, as I shall prove beyond all doubt, innocent. The prosecution has taken it upon itself to ruin this hedgehog's life, going so far as to invent false persons in order to defame my client. Once again, big government…" Phoenix went on a similar diatribe to Sanchez, though with notably less dramatic pacing and wild gesticulation; coming to a stop before the jury box. "Your honour, ladies and gentlemen; I'd like to thank you for having listened."

"Well, alright then," Judge Eriksen said, sitting up in his seat, "let's get down to it. Mr. Sanchez, if you would?"

Sanchez nodded. "The prosecution calls Miss Anna Marie Raven to the stand." After a moment, a young brunette woman with a white streak through her hair was led to the witness stand by the bailiff, handed a Bible and sworn in. "Now," Sanchez said, walking up to the witness stand, "Miss Raven- may I call you Anna?" She nodded and Sanchez continued. "Thank you. Anna, were you raped by Sonic the Hedgehog? May I remind you that you are under oath."

Anna glanced down to her hands, removing the glove on her right hand and staring at her palm, before putting the glove back on and looking back to Sanchez. "Yes," she replied, in a thick Southern drawl, "yes I was." An audible murmur rippled across the courtroom, only to be interrupted by-

"That's fucking bullshit!" Sonic shrieked, leaping out of his chair, "She made a face like she wanted it!" The murmuring only grew in intensity until it was silenced by the short, sharp rap of the gavel.

"Order in the court, be quiet!" Judge Eriksen looked across the courtroom, frowning, before turning his gaze to Sonic. "As for you, Mr. the Hedgehog, any more outbursts from you and you'll be held in contempt of court. Mr. Sanchez, please continue."

Sanchez nodded, before turning back to Anna and patting her hand reassuringly. "There there," he said, with what passes for sincerity among lawyers, "I'm sure it must have been real hard." Stifling a laugh at his own unintentional double entendre, he turned to face the jury. "I think that says it all, ladies and gentlemen, but it doesn't end there. Miss Raven's story is but one of many. Miss Raven herself has testified that she knows of many other women that have been raped by Mr. the Hedgehog, and frankly-"

"Objection!" Phoenix cried, throwing his arm out dramatically, "That's hearsay, your honour."

"Overruled. The prosecution may continue."

Sanchez smiled up to the judge in response. "Thank you, your honour. There is no hearsay involved in the matter. We have over three hundred sworn affidavits from women all testifying that Mr. the Hedgehog has raped them, it's practically common knowledge. Miss Raven was just the first, and we are trying to establish a timeline of events."

Phoenix slammed his fist down on the table. "Your honour, with all due respect, that is hearsay! How is that not second ha-"

"Mr. Wright!" Judge Eriksen said, slamming his gavel down on its little gavel coaster, "Do not speak unless spoken to! I don't want to hear any more complaints from you unless you've actually got a goddamn reason. You sit there and wait your turn." Eriksen exhaled audibly, before looking back to Sanchez with a forced smile. "Continue, counsel."

"Oh, that's alright, your honour," Sanchez said, "that will be all." With that, Sanchez sauntered gaily back to his seat.

"Alright, thank you. Mr. Wright," Judge Eriksen said, giving Phoenix a pointed look, "if the defence would like to begin its cross-examination."

Phoenix replied with a nod and a somewhat muted 'thank you, your honour' before walking briskly to the witness stand and leaning against it awkwardly on his elbow. "Now, Miss Raven," he began, "you claim that Mr. the Hedgehog raped you, is that correct?"

Anna nodded. "Yes, it is."

"Well?"

Anna shuffled in her seat a bit. "Well what?"

Phoenix made a show of rolling his eyes, making sure that his face was visible to the jury as he did so. "Well, did he rape you?"

"Yes!"

Phoenix smiled triumphantly. "So, you claim that Sonic the Hedgehog raped you. Where were you when Mr. the Hedgehog supposedly raped you, then?"

Anna paused, looking away from Phoenix, her brow furrowed slightly. "In a bedroom," she replied, eventually, "at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters."

"Alright," Phoenix said, "suppose that we accept the premise that you were raped, which we don't, when did this supposed rape supposedly take place?"

Anna paused again. "Um…" she said, after a much longer pause, "well, I don't exactly remember, several years ago, I guess…"

"Aha!" Phoenix said, slamming his hand down against the edge of the witness box, causing Anna to jump slightly. "You'd think you'd remember something like that, wouldn't you? Rape is a traumatic event, or so I'm told, yet you can't even remember when the incident took place nor even provide any further details-"

"Well, you didn't ask."

Phoenix frowned at her for a moment before going on. "And I'm not going to. As I was saying, no further details as to the incident itself. Were there any witnesses to this incident?" Another pause.

"Uh, there were people in the mansion at the time…"

Phoenix slammed his hand down again. "Yes, but were there any witnesses to the incident itself? Did anyone see or hear you engaging in intercourse with Mr. the Hedgehog?"

"Um, not that I know of."

Phoenix pushed himself off of the witness stand and swung around to face the jury box. "So, you mean to say that Sonic raped you, without any evidence or corroborating witness, nor even a proper time-frame?" he asked.

"Well," Anna replied, "I think it sounds really bad when you put it that way, but yes."

Phoenix turned back to Anna, hands clasped behind his back. "Why, Miss Raven, did you not report this to the police at the time?"

Anna shuffled in her seat, eyes not meeting Phoenix's gaze. "Well, I… it didn't seem like a good idea at the time, I didn't think anybody would believe me."

Phoenix smiled. "Thank you," Phoenix said, returning to his seat, "no further questions, your honour."

"Mr Sanchez," Judge Eriksen said, looking over to Sanchez, "your redirect examination?"

Sanchez wasted no time in heading to the witness box, placing on hand on it and plating his feet widely apart in a power stance. "Now, Anna, what we saw from the defence is a classic case of what we in the legal profession call being manipulative," Sanchez said, "I'm sure one could ask all sorts of question and catch you in a corner, but the fact is that Sonic raped you, isn't that right?"

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted before Anna could reply, "How is this relevant? This line of questioning-"

Eriksen interrupted him with a bang of his gavel. "You shut the fuck up in my court, Wright, I don't want to hear another fucking word, I've already told you once already. Do you want to be held in contempt of court?"

Phoenix sat, dumbstruck, shaking his head. Sonic was not so, meek, however; and leapt out of his seat. "Now hold it right there, this is bullshit! You've been treating my guy like shit this whole time! This is a goddamn kangaroo sham, you two-bit moth-"

Much like his lawyer, Sonic was swiftly interrupted by Eriksen smacking his gavel repeatedly against the gavel-coaster, until the sound drowned out Sonic's protests. He only stopped hammering when Sonic sat back down. "Listen, Mr. the Hedgehog," Eriksen said, "I don't know what the fuck you think is going on here, but this is a trial. I've already warned you about this. Stay sat down and keep that lip shut." Eriksen leaned back in his seat, considering Sonic with a long, stern glare."I'll be lenient this time," he said, breaking his silence, "instead of holding you in contempt of court, I think I'll just add an additional nine charges of rape against you. Next time though, you will definitely be held in contempt of court. I can only tolerate so much disruption during these proceedings." Sonic leapt to his feet once more, opened his mouth as though to speak, considered it; and sat back down again. Eriksen looked over to Sanchez and gave him a nod.

"So, back to the issue at hand," Sanchez said, "Anna, in spite of Mr. Wright's attempts to needle you with frankly irrelevant questions, is there any doubt in your mind that it was definitely Sonic, that Hedgehog right there-" he stopped to point at Sonic, "-who raped you?"

Anna nodded. "Like I said before, yes."

Sanchez smiled broadly. "And you're not the sort of woman who would perjure herself in court after having sworn to tell God's honest truth, are you?"

"No."

"Your honour," Sanchez said, stepping back from the stand "I think that will be all for my redirect examination."

"Well if that's the case," Eriksen said, "I think a brief recess is in order, particularly so that the defendant and his counsel may have time to think about how they wish to carry themselves during this trial. This session shall resume in one hour." And with a bang of his gavel, that was that.

* * *

"Jesus," said Sonic, taking a drag of a poorly-rolled cigarette, "that was fucked. "

"Well," Phoenix replied, "if it makes you feel any better that was really highly irregular." The two were sat on a wooden bench outside the courthouse, making the best of the weather, watching the odd cloud pass by above them. If either had been of a particularly poetic inclination, they may have made some comment on the freedom that being a cloud afforded those clouds.

"No shit," Sonic said, eventually, "that judge is a real hardass. Maybe I should just cut and run, try my luck in Mexico."

Phoenix shook his head, placing a hand on Sonic's shoulder. "You can't do that, Sonic. Justice is on our side, there's no way you'll go down for this, they don't have anything! Trust me, it'll look a lot better once it's our turn to call witnesses and present evidence."

Sonic stood up, running a hand through his head quills. "This really is fucked. Suppose that it doesn't work out?"

"It will, you'll see."

"Yeah, but…" Sonic sighed, "…what if it doesn't? Hell, even if I get off scot-free this won't be good for my career. I need to get out of this squeaky clean, it has to be a sure thing."

Phoenix leaned back into the bench, head thrown back, eyes closed. "Look," he said, "I… well, if I think that things are past the point of no return for you, and that's a big if, we can go low. I can call in a… particular favour that will be a sure thing, though I can't promise it won't come back to bite you in the ass."

"Oh yeah? What is it?" Sonic asked.

Phoenix opened his eyes, and looked back up to Sonic. "That's not important right now. God willing, it won't come to that."

A small, uncertain smile flickered across Sonic's face. He threw his cigarette to the ground and put it out with his foot. "Yeah, let's hope so."

* * *

The rest of the day's proceedings carried on much as they had with the examination of the first witness. Several other women, all purporting to be victims of Sonic's runaway lust and unfamiliarity with California's legal standards of consent; were called as witnesses by the prosecution. Jill Valentine, April O'Neil, Selina Kyle, Sonya Blade, Felicia Hardy, Lara Croft and many other women were all presented before the court; and all offered similarly vague accounts. In spite of his best efforts, Phoenix's cross-examinations turned out just as well as the first, though he and Sonic at least held their tongues throughout the proceedings.

"Mr Sanchez," Eriksen said, sat leaning on one hand as another witness was escorted out of the courtroom, "was that your last witness?"

Sanchez, once again leaning against the witness stand, nodded. "For today, your honour," Sanchez said, "yes, the affidavits notwithstanding."

Hearing this, Phoenix stood up cautiously. "Your honour, I'd like to object, the veracity of some of these affidavits is very dubious." Phoenix was answered by the bang of a gavel.

"Listen, Wright," Eriksen replied, his voice a low, menacing growl, "I just don't care what you think. Just be quiet, I don't want to hear it."

"But your honour, some of these people don't even exist! Some aren't even human, they can't seriously be considered as relia-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Eriksen yelled, banging his gavel furiously as he did so, "I've already told you! How the fuck would you know, Wright? How the fuck would you know a goddamn thing? As far as I'm concerned the burden of proof is on you to prove that these affidavits are fakes. Over three hundred doesn't seem like a coincidence to me, and every time you open your goddamn mouth with your petty bullshit I'm just going to automatically assume that your client raped all of those women. You haven't proved a goddamn thing, so keep it shut." Eriksen let out a great, deep breath, leaning back into his seat and letting the gavel slip from his hand. "You know what? We're done for today, I can't put up with any more of your shit. Court is adjourned, and will resume on Monday at 9 AM."

* * *

Phoenix and Sonic walked out of the courtroom into the dim light of the early evening, shoulders slumped and rounded; eyes downcast. There they were met by Gerald, who was standing outside of a battered-looking 1990 Buick Estate, his tie loose and hanging limply from his collar; a small dab of white powder under his right nostril. "Phoenix!" he said, throwing his hands in the air, "Sonic, baby! How'd it go?"

"Well, not terrific…" Phoenix said, "but it's still too soon to call. After all, we've yet to-"

"That's bullshit and you know it, Phoenix!" Sonic said, stamping his foot. "We're up shit creek, here! You saw the way the judge has been treating us, if he has his way I'll spend the rest of my life getting my asshole stretched out in the klink! You need to call in that favour." Phoenix glanced at him, but didn't reply, simply getting in the back of the car. A moment later, both Sonic and then Gerald got into the front seats.

"Alright," Phoenix said, five minutes later as they drove back to Sonic's house, "I'll do it. Tomorrow, I'll do it."

Sonic turned around in the passenger seat and gave Phoenix a thin smile. "That's great," Sonic said, "I'm really counting on this." Phoenix did not return his smile, but went to staring out the window.


End file.
